Give a
dread a home….
Both pale and blonde they rarely surface before midday
preferring to languish in their king sized bed that has not been washed for the
last two months. Presumably this is so they can recognise the bed as their own
at 4am in the morning.
The Dreads enjoy water, and will
soak for hours (ignoring the water meter) in the bath or shower. Dreads must be fed 4 or 5 times a day
in normally large quantities plus several gallons of liquid which needs to be
available at all times.
Dreads can walk animals but will
need a gold medal for recognition that this has been achieved. Dreads can also
cook dinner but will need at least 3 weeks to get over it. Bathroom cleaning is a no no as both
are incapable of understanding the words ‘to clean’ and cannot muster enough
strength to lift the bleach bottle.
Dreads can wash clothes but will
usually place washing in front of the machine in the vague hope that the
clothes will become magical and leap into the washing machine. It is unknown as to whether the Dreads
know how to empty the drier, as this has never been discovered. Dreads do not wash up dishes, they
merely eat and take over the settee and TV accompanied by every single possible
light in the house all switched to the ON mode.
The Dreads are sympathetic, kind
and can be very funny (housekeeping £50 pcm) but the owner is usually frazzled,
short tempered and usually speaks with intermittent swearing.
If you would like to give a Dread
a home, please remember, a Dread is not just for Christmas – they have a
tendency to stay up to 23 years – even longer.
Have a Merry Christmas everyone
xx
